Thursday, July 16, 2015

Day 3

Today is day three of my Bipolar II diagnosis. It is getting easier to accept. I've read a few articles about living with Bipolar or Bipolar II. One was from The Atlantic and one from Huffington Post, both were helpful in putting words or images to what I feel as well as helping my husband understand what I'm feeling. I also found a website that will help me track my medicine, side effects, and overall health (

Looking back over the last 9 months I can see very clearly that I was in a hypomanic state. I was writing like mad. A haiku at the very least, one for thirty days, sometimes eight or nine in one day. I let myself tumble into a dangerous situation with a famous person, which I am still regretting. I luckily didn't spend a ton of money, but at one point I did just stop looking at bills, which we are catching up on. I had full blown panic attacks about my parents. And honestly, who sits for 4+ hours to sort LEGOs by color. Multiple times. Knowing full well that they will get mixed back together. Really, WHO DOES THAT?

Like I said, I am feeling better about the diagnosis. I still have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach when it comes to money. My friend and I worked out a budget yesterday, complete with an allowance and how to work up to having a savings. With this plan I would be able to stay home and work, but I think my husband is not on board with that idea. So, part-time job it is! I'm nervous and scared about it, though I have no reason to be. My doctor said that is part of having bipolar disorder. Worrying about things that haven't, and in all likely hood are NOT going to happen. What if there is a line of 8 people at the checkout and I have a panic attack? What if my boss yells at me, will I cry? What happens on the days when I am too depressed to get out of bed. I know I'll force myself to get up, but what if I can't?

I promise, a photo of gummy bears will come later.

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