Sunday, September 27, 2015

Hypomania slow down

I'm slowing down, but I think it is because I don't have the money to buy more paints and I've nearly run out of the colors I use. I try mixing the ones I need, and have come up with some good alternatives, but I'm running out of white and that is kind of an essential color in making the lighter shades.

I still feel kind of a buzzing and I wonder how to make it stop. It stops when I paint and sometimes when I zone out on television, but it is nearly impossible to read a book, write, or get actual work done. I have trouble sitting still, or, on the other hand, I have been napping a lot lately. I had a drink today and that was a mistake. I felt exhausted and nauseous after I drank it.

My father-in-law took some photos of my paintings today so I could list them on Etsy. I'm not sure if anyone will buy them, but I thought it couldn't hurt to get them out there.

I feel on edge. I don't know what to do, so I think I should sleep, except I'm not tired. I don't want to waste my life sleeping if I'm not even tired. I want to paint, but have the afore mentioned problem with paints. I'm also nearly out of canvas. I'm going to paint over one of them, but after that I think I'm stuck with paper for a little while. When I draw I hate it because things don't turn out like I have them in my head, but when I'm painting it is more feeling and movement that is going down in the brush strokes and there is no preconceived plan. I just do. I suppose I could play video games, where I'm forced in to making decisions, but I don't want to do that either because I feel like I don't contribute to anything if I do that.

I really just want to relax, which is difficult for me right now. My house is a mess, which makes me feel chaotic. I need my son to start cleaning up after himself when he is playing. I'm tired of stepping on things and tripping on things in the dark.

I'm finally used to the medicine, because it isn't making me tired any longer.

Untitled Movement

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